Essay Review Feedback

Today we had a silent critique in which I was able to gather feedback on the essay as well as the supporting practical work with it. I printed the first draft of my essay along with a brief for the supporting practical work that goes with it- explaining the links and overall project concept. I also printed out a mood board relevant to my practical work. My essay was proof read by two of my peers, Beth (B) and Will (W).

I found all of this feedback extremely useful as it will help me to move forward with my essay and make slight tweaks.

Feedback:

What is the question?

-W: Change business to sales
-B: Makes sense, would maybe remove business or replace with sales or success?

Clarity. Do you understand what the essay is about?

-W: Very clear
-B: Makes sense! really good points about consistent identity in particular and 'dupes' very interesting

Describe the tone of the piece

-W: Professional with personal conclusion- good!
-B: Professional- describes terminology well, maybe use semi colons (;) instead of dashes

Quality of research

-W: Good mix
-B: Good range of sources

How effectively have they triangulated between these references?

-W: Clear links between case studies and theories
-B: Lots of connections and supporting theories. Don't know if it needs an opposite opinion to counteract...maybe ask Pete? Also very clear case studies

Sections. How is it structured?

-W: Some paragraphs can be combined
-B: Combine some paragraphs to make it easier to read, especially at the start. Case study sections show really well

3 tips or considerations for tweaks and changes to improve the writing:

Will:

• Just a few spelling errors
• Maybe shorten some quotes. E.g. "aesthetic [...] usability"
• Talk about identity theft

Beth:

• Combine some paragraphs together
• Make sure you either use ' ' or " "- not both